Acceptance, forgiveness and the Void

I am sure everyone has heard it said time and time again, “one has to accept their past to move onto a better future”. But in Cheryl Strayed’s novel “Wild” it is a major theme, one that she adopts throughout the novel as well.  However Cheryl Strayed is one woman with an exceptionally difficult past to overcome; between an abusive father, the passing away of her mother, a divided family, a divorce and a heroin addiction, she has a lot of opponents in her battle for self-acceptance. In the midst of the turmoil in Cheryl’s life she decides to conquer the Pacific Crest Trail, in an attempt to come to terms with what she has endured. On her journey she encounters many people; one of whom stand out to me is Doug. After only a short time Doug becomes an important part of Cheryl’s life and even gives her a little token to remember him by; a feather.  Cheryl carries this feather with her throughout her hike and later it was identified by a hippie (for lack of a better word) as a symbol of “the void”. Although that exact phrasing sounds horrifying it truly means a place of rebirth. To Cheryl, this feather is a symbol of the trail, which has not only helped her grow as a person, but also helped her realize who she truly is, what she can truly accomplish; it is a symbol of how the trail was her void, and her rebirth.  We see this illustrated when she is forced out of her camp site by a few nasty workers in the dead of night and is forced to feel her way through darkness of the trail to find a new place to settle herself.  She slowly begins to find herself becoming one with this trail; having to feel and sense her way about the wilderness. Eventually she is able to identify outlines and small details around and she becomes accustomed to the darkness around her. Even in a brand new and deadly scenario Cheryl is no longer fearful. All of this is a metaphor for how the trail is her void, which helped her overcome some of her deepest fears, and ultimately come to terms with her past. Cheryl exemplifies her acceptance of the past with various moments. One of which is her realization of Eddie’s importance, as she gazes into her fire. Fires, being a fundamental element of survival are a typical symbol of hope, so it makes sense she would think of Eddie at this time. As I have already mentioned in a previous post, Eddie is a symbol of hope in her life; what he taught her in her most troubling years is what gave her the idea that she could complete this hike to begin with. Although Eddie separated from her family, and left Cheryl feeling abandoned, looking onto this fire she begins to thank him for what he gave her while during their time together, and mentions that she feels relieved.  Eventually she also comes to terms with her mother leaving her. From beginning of the novel she states that she was angry at her mother for leaving her life so early. She also rants about all of the things that she despised about her mother’s parenting, and she even said that hated her mother for not making it to her fiftieth birthday. It’s fair to say that without her mother Cheryl felt alone and lost. But finally, during the fifth part of the novel Cheryl realizes all that her mother had given her; “she’d come at us with full maternal velocity.” (268) As her mother had once said “I’ve given you everything” (268).   

It may have taken her years, and those years may have been filled with unbearable calamity, but thanks Cheryl’s hike through “the void” she finally finds herself able to come to terms with some of the hardest things that she has endured. By the end, she shows herself to be a very forgiving young woman (not only to others but to herself), who can accept what has happened no matter how devastating or aggravating.

Eddie;

 "There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another.  What leads to what.  What destroys what.  What causes what to flourish or die or take another course.  But I was pretty certain as I sat there that night that if it hadn't been for Eddie, I wouldn't have found myself on the PCT.  And though it was true that everything I felt for him sat like a boulder in my throat, this realization made the boulder sit ever so much lighter.  He hadn't loved me well in the end, but he'd loved me well when it mattered."


This quote appears well towards the end of the novel, and Cheryl is no longer the same Cheryl she was when she first set foot on the PCT. All of  the minor things she once thought to be so terrifying, are now laughable, all of the hardships she faced she is certain she can push through, and she has overcome so many challenges at this point that there is nothing that will truly take her by surprise. But as she sits by the light of the fire she remembers one thing from her past that she has not quite solved yet: Her relationship with Eddie was troubled to say the least, when she left for the PCT. The man who had been there for her mother and her siblings while they grew up decided to remarry after the death of Cheryl's mother, and eventually lost contact. Cheryl in a way despises Eddie for this, but it is only in this moment that she truly realizes his value. Eddie is, in a way, a symbol for hope; in the despair of an abusive marriage, and short term relationships who were quickly "scared off" Eddie was the first to ever stay with Cheryl's mother and show her what a healthy marriage could be. In the confusion of Cheryl's younger years, growing up with an abusive father and dealing with men who never wanted anything to do with her, Karen, or Leif, Eddie came into their lives and immediately showed them that he would care for them, and love them. Just when it seemed they were doomed to a life of run down apartment complexes and a sleezy biker visitors Eddie came in a took them by surprise, in the best way possible. As Cheryl explains, her step-father taught her all the fundamental skills she used as the reasoning to hike the PCT; fires, camping, hiking.In the back of her mind, subconsciously even, this legacy was the beacon of hope that said to her "you can do this" when everything else in her mind, and her life said "it's impossible". He may not be there with her now to help her hike her way through the PCT, but that is because she does not need him any more, she finds power and strength within herself. Its as she looks at the fire that she realizes this; she is strong now, but Eddie was with her when she was not, and he gave her the hope she needed to find a way to her own independent happiness. 

There is no way to tell what one action, or one inaction will lead to; disaster or triumph, misery or prosperity, and she may never know what exactly drove her to do heroin, or to have affairs, but after reflection she realizes that Eddie was not the source of her pain, no matter how convinced she once was of that being the case. In reality he was the source of her will to find inner peace. Yes eventually Eddie did leave Cheryl and her siblings, but he stayed with them when it truly mattered. Knowing that is what made her feelings towards Eddie sit more comfortably. 

the ten thousand questions

Cheryl speaks a lot about "the ten thousand things"; in respect to her life, what does she mean by "the ten thousand things"?


In chapter 5 Cheryl encounters a bull, although it flees, she does not know where to. The following chapter is also named for that bull, what does this disappearing beast represent in terms of Cheryl's life or currant situation?


How are the men in this novel pictured? What insight do they give us to psyche of Cheryl Strayed?

Hello Ophelia, my name is Moushumi

                Moushumi and Ophelia come from two very different worlds. They grew up in different circumstances and underwent countless experiences that are far from similar. Not to mention that there is an incredible difference in time periods, between the two women.  However, just for fun, let’s toy with the idea that the fabric of time was bent and played with in such a way that the paths of Moushimi and Ophelia cross and they were able to have a conversation. Perhaps Moushimi could have had quite the positive influence on Ophelia. There is a lot we can say about the cheating wife from Jumpa Lahiri’s novel, the Namesake: she is selfish, dishonest, deceiving, careless and also ungrateful. Never the less, she holds her good qualities: independent, clever, intelligent and experienced. Ophelia, of Shakespeare’s play, Hamlet, has been raised to be obedient, innocent, and naïve, and could easily benefit from the advice of a modern woman such as Moushumi.

Moushimi may not be deserving of the “mother of the year” award but she could still offer some advice to Ophelia regarding the men in her life, as female influence. Obviously the time gap presents many differences between the two, but those differences give Moushumi more of an advantage than Ophelia. Ophelia is a young girl living in a time where her virtue and obedience holds her value. This idea is not only reinforced by the society in which she lives but also her two care takers; Laertes, her older brother and Polonius, her father. To them she has a obligation to save herself until she will be a dutiful mother and obedient wife. Because of this she is warned countless times about Hamlet; she is told he will trick her into loving him, but only break her heart and ruin her for anyone else.  The problem really arises when Hamlet begins to act as if he has lost his wits because of Ophelia’s rejection for him. It is unclear whether or not Hamlet did truly love Ophelia, but in her heart she swears that he did, but being the “Yes father, yes brother” girl she is Ophelia is torn between the guilt of torturing Hamlet’s psyche, and obeying her caretakers.  Moushumi, on the other hand, grew up in a very different time and place. She has full freedom over the decisions she makes for herself, whether it is what job she wants, or what man she wants to be with and when she wants to be with him. However she does still have an understanding of parents who want to control her marital decisions due to the family and cultural background. Now add the fact that Moushimi has her sense of independence, and a vast experience with men from all walks of life. Whether it has been an affair, a long term relationship, a fling, a marriage or a failed relationship she has experience. Considering this, I believe that Moushimi would offer some very helpful advice to poor Ophelia, who is torn between the confusion men in her life are causing her.

                Clearly Moushumi and Ophelia have some differences, but if there is one thing that the two have in common it’s their emotional turbulence. After a failed engagement Moushumi suffered a nervous breakdown, leading her to overdose on medication. Ophelia’s mental state began to deteriorate after contradicting emotions towards her family and Hamlet finally took hold of her. This eventually caused her to be drown in a river. It is still debated whether or not Ophelia’s death was intentionally self-inflicted but one thing is clear; Moushumi survived and was able to see her life improve. Shortly after her life was saved by close friends and modern medicine she explored her freedom and enjoyed her independence in Paris. This is quite the touchy subject, but it could be fair to say that if Ophelia had the influence of another woman who had been through times troubling as hers perhaps her fate would have been different. Moushumi could have let Ophelia know that although the confusion, the guilt, and pressure seems unbearable to her at that moment her life will eventually unfold to the point where she is happy, with where she is and who she has become. 

It is unfortunate that some sort of bizarre time murmur could not have taken place, or that the worlds of these two stories could not have somehow overlapped, because Moushumi could have put her experience and good qualities to use. It is true that she has made some devastating mistakes in her life but in face of all of the calamity she walks out on her own two feet. That being said, despite Moushumi's tragic flaws she would have made a good confident for young Ophelia in her most confusing of times.