Acceptance, forgiveness and the Void

I am sure everyone has heard it said time and time again, “one has to accept their past to move onto a better future”. But in Cheryl Strayed’s novel “Wild” it is a major theme, one that she adopts throughout the novel as well.  However Cheryl Strayed is one woman with an exceptionally difficult past to overcome; between an abusive father, the passing away of her mother, a divided family, a divorce and a heroin addiction, she has a lot of opponents in her battle for self-acceptance. In the midst of the turmoil in Cheryl’s life she decides to conquer the Pacific Crest Trail, in an attempt to come to terms with what she has endured. On her journey she encounters many people; one of whom stand out to me is Doug. After only a short time Doug becomes an important part of Cheryl’s life and even gives her a little token to remember him by; a feather.  Cheryl carries this feather with her throughout her hike and later it was identified by a hippie (for lack of a better word) as a symbol of “the void”. Although that exact phrasing sounds horrifying it truly means a place of rebirth. To Cheryl, this feather is a symbol of the trail, which has not only helped her grow as a person, but also helped her realize who she truly is, what she can truly accomplish; it is a symbol of how the trail was her void, and her rebirth.  We see this illustrated when she is forced out of her camp site by a few nasty workers in the dead of night and is forced to feel her way through darkness of the trail to find a new place to settle herself.  She slowly begins to find herself becoming one with this trail; having to feel and sense her way about the wilderness. Eventually she is able to identify outlines and small details around and she becomes accustomed to the darkness around her. Even in a brand new and deadly scenario Cheryl is no longer fearful. All of this is a metaphor for how the trail is her void, which helped her overcome some of her deepest fears, and ultimately come to terms with her past. Cheryl exemplifies her acceptance of the past with various moments. One of which is her realization of Eddie’s importance, as she gazes into her fire. Fires, being a fundamental element of survival are a typical symbol of hope, so it makes sense she would think of Eddie at this time. As I have already mentioned in a previous post, Eddie is a symbol of hope in her life; what he taught her in her most troubling years is what gave her the idea that she could complete this hike to begin with. Although Eddie separated from her family, and left Cheryl feeling abandoned, looking onto this fire she begins to thank him for what he gave her while during their time together, and mentions that she feels relieved.  Eventually she also comes to terms with her mother leaving her. From beginning of the novel she states that she was angry at her mother for leaving her life so early. She also rants about all of the things that she despised about her mother’s parenting, and she even said that hated her mother for not making it to her fiftieth birthday. It’s fair to say that without her mother Cheryl felt alone and lost. But finally, during the fifth part of the novel Cheryl realizes all that her mother had given her; “she’d come at us with full maternal velocity.” (268) As her mother had once said “I’ve given you everything” (268).   

It may have taken her years, and those years may have been filled with unbearable calamity, but thanks Cheryl’s hike through “the void” she finally finds herself able to come to terms with some of the hardest things that she has endured. By the end, she shows herself to be a very forgiving young woman (not only to others but to herself), who can accept what has happened no matter how devastating or aggravating.

Eddie;

 "There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another.  What leads to what.  What destroys what.  What causes what to flourish or die or take another course.  But I was pretty certain as I sat there that night that if it hadn't been for Eddie, I wouldn't have found myself on the PCT.  And though it was true that everything I felt for him sat like a boulder in my throat, this realization made the boulder sit ever so much lighter.  He hadn't loved me well in the end, but he'd loved me well when it mattered."


This quote appears well towards the end of the novel, and Cheryl is no longer the same Cheryl she was when she first set foot on the PCT. All of  the minor things she once thought to be so terrifying, are now laughable, all of the hardships she faced she is certain she can push through, and she has overcome so many challenges at this point that there is nothing that will truly take her by surprise. But as she sits by the light of the fire she remembers one thing from her past that she has not quite solved yet: Her relationship with Eddie was troubled to say the least, when she left for the PCT. The man who had been there for her mother and her siblings while they grew up decided to remarry after the death of Cheryl's mother, and eventually lost contact. Cheryl in a way despises Eddie for this, but it is only in this moment that she truly realizes his value. Eddie is, in a way, a symbol for hope; in the despair of an abusive marriage, and short term relationships who were quickly "scared off" Eddie was the first to ever stay with Cheryl's mother and show her what a healthy marriage could be. In the confusion of Cheryl's younger years, growing up with an abusive father and dealing with men who never wanted anything to do with her, Karen, or Leif, Eddie came into their lives and immediately showed them that he would care for them, and love them. Just when it seemed they were doomed to a life of run down apartment complexes and a sleezy biker visitors Eddie came in a took them by surprise, in the best way possible. As Cheryl explains, her step-father taught her all the fundamental skills she used as the reasoning to hike the PCT; fires, camping, hiking.In the back of her mind, subconsciously even, this legacy was the beacon of hope that said to her "you can do this" when everything else in her mind, and her life said "it's impossible". He may not be there with her now to help her hike her way through the PCT, but that is because she does not need him any more, she finds power and strength within herself. Its as she looks at the fire that she realizes this; she is strong now, but Eddie was with her when she was not, and he gave her the hope she needed to find a way to her own independent happiness. 

There is no way to tell what one action, or one inaction will lead to; disaster or triumph, misery or prosperity, and she may never know what exactly drove her to do heroin, or to have affairs, but after reflection she realizes that Eddie was not the source of her pain, no matter how convinced she once was of that being the case. In reality he was the source of her will to find inner peace. Yes eventually Eddie did leave Cheryl and her siblings, but he stayed with them when it truly mattered. Knowing that is what made her feelings towards Eddie sit more comfortably. 

the ten thousand questions

Cheryl speaks a lot about "the ten thousand things"; in respect to her life, what does she mean by "the ten thousand things"?


In chapter 5 Cheryl encounters a bull, although it flees, she does not know where to. The following chapter is also named for that bull, what does this disappearing beast represent in terms of Cheryl's life or currant situation?


How are the men in this novel pictured? What insight do they give us to psyche of Cheryl Strayed?

Hello Ophelia, my name is Moushumi

                Moushumi and Ophelia come from two very different worlds. They grew up in different circumstances and underwent countless experiences that are far from similar. Not to mention that there is an incredible difference in time periods, between the two women.  However, just for fun, let’s toy with the idea that the fabric of time was bent and played with in such a way that the paths of Moushimi and Ophelia cross and they were able to have a conversation. Perhaps Moushimi could have had quite the positive influence on Ophelia. There is a lot we can say about the cheating wife from Jumpa Lahiri’s novel, the Namesake: she is selfish, dishonest, deceiving, careless and also ungrateful. Never the less, she holds her good qualities: independent, clever, intelligent and experienced. Ophelia, of Shakespeare’s play, Hamlet, has been raised to be obedient, innocent, and naïve, and could easily benefit from the advice of a modern woman such as Moushumi.

Moushimi may not be deserving of the “mother of the year” award but she could still offer some advice to Ophelia regarding the men in her life, as female influence. Obviously the time gap presents many differences between the two, but those differences give Moushumi more of an advantage than Ophelia. Ophelia is a young girl living in a time where her virtue and obedience holds her value. This idea is not only reinforced by the society in which she lives but also her two care takers; Laertes, her older brother and Polonius, her father. To them she has a obligation to save herself until she will be a dutiful mother and obedient wife. Because of this she is warned countless times about Hamlet; she is told he will trick her into loving him, but only break her heart and ruin her for anyone else.  The problem really arises when Hamlet begins to act as if he has lost his wits because of Ophelia’s rejection for him. It is unclear whether or not Hamlet did truly love Ophelia, but in her heart she swears that he did, but being the “Yes father, yes brother” girl she is Ophelia is torn between the guilt of torturing Hamlet’s psyche, and obeying her caretakers.  Moushumi, on the other hand, grew up in a very different time and place. She has full freedom over the decisions she makes for herself, whether it is what job she wants, or what man she wants to be with and when she wants to be with him. However she does still have an understanding of parents who want to control her marital decisions due to the family and cultural background. Now add the fact that Moushimi has her sense of independence, and a vast experience with men from all walks of life. Whether it has been an affair, a long term relationship, a fling, a marriage or a failed relationship she has experience. Considering this, I believe that Moushimi would offer some very helpful advice to poor Ophelia, who is torn between the confusion men in her life are causing her.

                Clearly Moushumi and Ophelia have some differences, but if there is one thing that the two have in common it’s their emotional turbulence. After a failed engagement Moushumi suffered a nervous breakdown, leading her to overdose on medication. Ophelia’s mental state began to deteriorate after contradicting emotions towards her family and Hamlet finally took hold of her. This eventually caused her to be drown in a river. It is still debated whether or not Ophelia’s death was intentionally self-inflicted but one thing is clear; Moushumi survived and was able to see her life improve. Shortly after her life was saved by close friends and modern medicine she explored her freedom and enjoyed her independence in Paris. This is quite the touchy subject, but it could be fair to say that if Ophelia had the influence of another woman who had been through times troubling as hers perhaps her fate would have been different. Moushumi could have let Ophelia know that although the confusion, the guilt, and pressure seems unbearable to her at that moment her life will eventually unfold to the point where she is happy, with where she is and who she has become. 

It is unfortunate that some sort of bizarre time murmur could not have taken place, or that the worlds of these two stories could not have somehow overlapped, because Moushumi could have put her experience and good qualities to use. It is true that she has made some devastating mistakes in her life but in face of all of the calamity she walks out on her own two feet. That being said, despite Moushumi's tragic flaws she would have made a good confident for young Ophelia in her most confusing of times. 

Who is Moushimi?

Moushimi first enters the novel "The Namesake" as a calm, shy and docile little girl. With her sweet british accent and her nose buried in a book what harm could she do? She returns later on in the book as an adult and makes relatively the same first impression, yet with an air of maturity to her. However we see her character drastically change from the time she agrees to meet Gogol for their blind date, and the final chapter of the novel.

There are a lot of good things that we can say about Moushimi; she is intelligent, independent, and above anything she has a way of getting what she wants. On a more negative note, she proves herself to be deceiving, and disloyal. While she has a certain cleverness about her, she does not always use it in the best ways. Sure, all of her academic achievements are worth more than just the certificates handed out, but Moushimi also finds a terrible use of her intelligence. After a re-encounter with an old friend (or more than that I guess) of hers she begins a process of lying and deceiving her husband. Slowly but surely an affair with Dimitri,a man she once knew in college, and now works with her, develops. Moushimi does her best to hide this from her husband; thinking of elaborate lies, which inevitably keep her up at night, in fear that her husband will poke holes in her story. She always seems to have some sort of alibi all planned out for her, with small peices of evidence to prove it. Sometimes she only tells her husband half of where she's been, making it seem somewhat honest. She isn't technically lying to him; she was at the grocery store, just not the whole time, after all, he didn't ask where she was before that. But just because she is not completely lying does not mean she is loyal. She bends the truth to hide the fact that she is having an affair. On top of that Gogol, was a man who loved his wife dearly, and in fact often questioned what he had done wrong whenever she seemed distant. This man blamed himself for subtle nuances in her attitude throughout the marriage. He was loyal to her the entire marriage; helping to provide for her, wanting what was best for her, and even dealing with the things he found irritating but that she loved ( her obscure group of friends for example). Moushimi's husband goes out of his way to try and make her happy; making reservations at a restaurant Moushimi chose based on her friend's suggestion, buying her an expensive pashmina are just a few examples. Both of these things she rejects. Moushimi finds any minor detail about them to complain about; the cold air in the restaurant, the waiter not looking her in the eye, the pashmina leaving little purple flecks of fabric on her dress. She does not appreciate what her husband does for her, and ultimately does not return the favour of his loyalty.


The question remains, however; why is she like this? My guess is that it is because she is highly indecisive. Moushimi can get what she wants, but she is never sure exactly what she wants. So she ends up making very rash short term decisions. The affair with Dimitri is an example of this. She was unsure of how she felt being married to Gogol, whether she had made the correct decision or not. She ends up admiring the freedom of others, the freedom that she had once had when she was in Paris. So perhaps she is trying to relive that freedom and by sleeping with another man she has an escape from being tied down.
Would it not be fair to say that maybe she is trying to fill some sort of void as well? The woman has obviously had emotional troubles in her past, whether it has been self confidence during childhood or her emotional unbalance after Graham left her. Either way, those types of issues do not go away quickly, and certainly not if they have persisted from youth into adulthood. Personally I believe that she saw Gogol as a "quick fix". Meaning, as a recovery from her failed engagement with Graham she sought out another man that would help her feel as if she could make a relationship last. And Gogol was the perfect fit; a man who was sensitive and romantic, he was passive, and he was Bengali (with the same attitude towards culture as Moushimi) so there was no fear of him fleeing the many traditions. But since Gogol was no more than a short term fix for a long term problem she began to feel empty once again. Aside from out right saying "the affair causes her to feel slightly at peace" (Lahiri, 266), there is a lovely metaphor in the novel that illustrates this, where Moushimi is Dimitri's house, and she notices a gap in his bookshelf, which she immediately fills with another book. I am not sure how much clearing up that needs but just incase, what it is trying to say is that Moushimi is missing something in her life, she is not sure what, but this affair is one of the things that she thinks might fill that empty space.
Independence and intelligence; just a few of the personality traits that make Moushimi enticing and charming to others. Despite their ability to make desirable, and a woman to be admired her uses of them become a downfall; independence to disloyalty, and intelligence to deceit. Whatever the reason behind this may be I believe it in our rights to say that these two traits cause misery to those around her.

"In so many ways his family's life feels like a string of accidents, unforeseen, unintended, one incident begetting another"

There are many ways to interpret this quote, and I guess it all comes down to each individual person's view on life.That being said I am looking at this from a complete personal perception. The way I see it is that it is Gogol's final realisation of all the little moments in life that seemed like  complete twists of fate, or even just utterly insignificant, were in fact the string of necessary tragedies, successes, failures, and everything in between that put him where he is in the end. What I guess I'm trying to say is that everyone seems to think that they're working towards each individual goal at a time, but in reality we are slowly moving closer and closer to something much bigger. Let me give you an example; I think one of the main concepts in this novel is the notion of one needing to find their own identity, who they really are. You see that Ashima finally achieves this in chapter twelve, when she states that she is finally representative of her name ("she who has no borders"). But how did she get there? Well it was not easy I can tell you that; this is a woman who left her home, her family, basically everything she has ever known and loved or found comfort in. She left all of that behind to come to America, adopt new customs she did not quite understand, raise children in a difficult time, and eventually she loses her husband. Ashima must have seen it all as absolute calamity at the time. Throughout travelling from Calcutta to Boston I can imagine her dreading that next chapter of her life; having to go through early marriage, pregnancy, the early years of childhood, all without her parents. As her kids grew older and begin to rebel she must have questioned where she went wrong, and how she could undo it. Hearing the news of her husband's death, regret, sadness, and fear would have taken over her mind.  In the end all this makes her stronger, it makes her more independent, she even says to herself that she is no longer afraid. Although it took years, she now knows who she is, and what she is capable of doing and overcoming.
This just goes to show that those moments, or those chapters in your life that seem like they were accidents, as if they were just a string of unforseen and unexpected incidents, whether they were to be celebrated or want to be forgotten are what put you where you are supposed to be.

Questions

 

What do you think the purpose of having such a high focus on romantic and intimate relationships was in this novel?

The second generation of Bengali's are often criticized for being ungrateful for their family and disrespectful of their culture. Which perspective do you sympathize with most; that of the children or that of the parents?  Why?


What do you think this novel says about ageing, the passing of time and the changes that come hand in hand with the two?